the more things delta, the more things flood

it's a bad math metaphor title. thanks for thinking it. at least we're on the same page (actually you're on mine and i'm not).
so
what do you do when an ex-girlfriend asks if you can still be friends? it's a yes or no answer but unfortunately it isn't that simple (and why ask after about 1 hour of banal conversation right before her current bf shows up; he's a really nice guy, by the way). oh communication issues!
let's start: if I'm someone's friend, i'll tell them things about who they are and hope that they'll listen to my constructive criticism. it's a two-way street and i like it like that. so if a person isn't willing to reciprocate that's one thing (i become a windbag. . . ok), but if the dynamics are such that i can't communicate my views to that person then are they really my friend? if they won't listen, how am i a friend; aren't communication and mutual respect required for any sort of caring relationship?
it's more tricky than that too. like tricky in that the ex said things to me in the past about who she wants to be that turn out to be false in the present (intentional or unintentional; either way, communication suffers), said things about herself that I thought would be beneficial to her and yet she failed to come through on what she has said about herself. she generally seems to have forgotten things she has said and/or moments of self-awareness. . . obviously this'll upset me; it's disregard for meaningful existentialism.
but i am being judgmental without all the info. in a funny twist, if communication isn't good, i can't have the info. i also can't have it if the 'friend' won't disclose it. so although this is a little harsh i'm not accepting full responsibility; communication between friends is a mutual responsibility.

so i said yes. it was honest; i care how things end up for her and wish her the best. it isn't my place to try to help her through things she's unwilling to deal with (or maybe she has dealt with them but keeps the same exterior as before, unable to solve them yet).
she has changed and i honestly hope it's in ways that make her happy. i also hope she remembers that not every change is necessarily good. my concern is that issues i noticed in our past concerning her haven't changed and that those issues might one day complicate things for her once again. . .
it's care. it's a bitch.